


Should Haves and Fragility

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben and Poe Are Exes, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse By Brendol Hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28039212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After breaking up, Poe and Ben meet again at a Christmas party.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Darkpilot Sentence Starters





	Should Haves and Fragility

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Based on this challenge: https://brokenedgeben.tumblr.com/post/637348951082860544/25-days-christmas-romance-challenge
> 
> I used this prompt: “Character A and Character B broke up, but now they meet at a Christmas party.”

December 2021. The year after the COVID-19 pandemic was over, and Poe Dameron doubted he could have felt more alone in a crowd full of people. Even amidst Finn and Rey talking animatedly about the teaser trailer for the latest Space Battles movie, Rose and Jannah sitting by the fireplace — Poe knew he should have been spending his time at Zorii’s Christmas party with Ben.

Should have. That was the operative word, right? Should have was a fragile thing, easily dashed...

”This punch bowl taken?” 

Ben’s familiar, deep voice. Resonant. Poe could already feel the first stirrings of memory...memory that hurt. 

“No.” He turned to look at Ben. Ben, who looked like he was already anxious. Uncharacteristically so. 

“Poe,” Ben said, softly. “We should talk.”

***

It was outside, just then, that Poe looked at Ben. Really, really looked at him. It was easy to imagine that Ben hadn’t cared about him, almost twistedly easy. It was something that Poe didn’t want to consider, how easy it was. But Ben...he didn’t look happy. He looked pale, almost bizarrely delicate considering that he was taller and stronger than Poe. Like he was hanging by a thread. There were shadows under his eyes, almost bruise-like — he didn’t look like Poe expected, not really. 

“You okay?” Poe said, softly. It was something that felt awkward to say, but nonetheless...

”Yeah,” Ben said. 

“You’re a bad liar.”

”Yeah, but it’s not your job to fix that. Really."

Poe sighed. “You look tired, Ben. I’m worried about you. I can at least be worried in a decent-human-being way, can’t I?”

A smile tugged at Ben’s lips just then. “You’re still you.”

”To an extent. You...you didn’t have to walk out on me.” Poe heard his voice crack, and he had to look away, if briefly. “I still remember everything...”

”I thought I was doing the right thing.”

"And your family? Me?”

Ben fidgeted absently with his shirt collar. "I think it’s about time I tell you everything.”

***

Ben talked. About Great Uncle Snoke getting him a job at Brendol Hux's company. How it seemed like the job of a lifetime. First Order Industries, where Ben could at least put his skills to good use. “And those ideas...they caught me, Poe. Inflamed me. And I thought that I could be...good enough for you. If I could.”

”You were good enough for me, Ben,” Poe said. “How could you not see that?"

”I always did...worry. About being good enough.”

”I wanted you,” Poe said. “I wanted what I knew you as. Not who you were expected to be.”

The pause between them seemed almost indeterminable. 

Then, "Yes. I can believe that now." Then, "Brendol Hux...he’s not a good man. I think that you got that idea when that scandal broke. When he got arrested. Embezzlement, abuse...”

”Did...” Poe froze, just for a moment. Horrible scenarios seemed to be conjured into existence in his head, what Brendol could have done to Ben. “Did he hurt you?”

Ben nodded. “Mostly verbal. Some physical. It wasn’t like it was anything new; I mean, his son Armie...he got it worse than I did...”

”It’s not a competition. Fuck...I should have been there..."

”Hey.”

Ben took Poe’s hands. Gently. Poe found that he had missed this for too long.

”It wasn’t your fault. Really. I’m just glad I’m out. I’m not an idiot; I know you’re not just going to take me back in an instant...”

”Ben, the fact that you got out is a Christmas miracle.”

Ben did laugh. Poe found he had missed it, his genuine laugh. “Yeah,” he said. “And finding you there.”

Poe didn’t miss the look in Ben's eyes. The way Ben saw him, like he meant everything to Ben. 

He had forgotten how much he missed that. 

The snow was starting to fall, white flurries from the sky. Ben’s hand entwined in Poe’s. "Merry Christmas, Poe,” he said.

”Merry Christmas.”

They stood there as the snow continued falling, and right then and there, it seemed like a new beginning. 


End file.
